Once upon a time, I was actually quite fit. Golf, squash, 16ft skiff sailing, cricket, cross country running, and a few other things. Never was the best sportsman, but I was fit.
Oh to be young again!!
I set out in 2015 or so on a quest to shoot 3 rounds in the low 70’s in the state amateur tournament in Hawaii. Played and practiced everyday.
The tournament was played each year at the Pearl Country Club and I could shoot low 70’s there pretty regularly. Shot low 80’s in the first two rounds the first year and missed the cut. Then the next year I blew out my knee trying to get out of a green side bunker on the back nine the first day and had to withdraw.
Now I just go down to the range a couple of times and week and play in a money game on Mondays with a group of other guys. Usually end up loosing my ass, but it’s still a good time.
I live 5 minutes walk from my local golf course. Usually I just go and hit some balls down the practice range.
At which point the local pro tells me once again that if I just played like that when I was actually playing a round, I could take 5 shots off my game immediately.
And then I try and belt the shit out of it again when I do play a round.
And lift my head.
Glad to hear that I’m not the only one who suffers from ball palsy.
I go out to the range and I can hit any shot I want. I get out on the course and start spraying the damn ball all over the place.
But that really is challenge for me. Facing down those inner demons. They’re still kicking my ass though.
Same struggle I got through every time I try to play drums well. Especially when it’s large gaps between playing a couple of songs.
Not so hard when I’m playing regularly.
Same with me playing guitar.
Sitting here in the man cave recording stuff on my own I do pretty well. But when I get with others, not so good.
Strange how that works. I never was very comfortable with calling attention to myself and being complimented on things I was doing would always lead to a crash.
Those are the inner demons I was referring to. Probably giving everyone here too much of a peek behind the curtain. 
I’ve actually got a lot better at playing drums over the years, but I still often feel like shit while I’m doing it.
Given some time, I listen back to some recordings, and I’m not completely satisfied, but I feel much better hearing it back than I felt while I was doing it.
Unfortunately how good I actually played doesn’t always have a direct relationship to how good I felt while I was doing it.
To be fair, my perspective has become more reasonable over time, and I do actually appreciate that I’m pretty decent at what I do.
I think the key to a lot of that is being able to get out of your own way.
Too much inner voice distracting from being able to get into and enjoy the moment, regardless of outcome.
I envy those who are able to do that.
I feel like I can do that more than I once could. Partly because I’m actually a better musician that I was before, and partly because of my somewhat more pragmatic and realistic headspace.
Also, now that I actually spend time teaching, I’ve gone thought all the good ideas that I didn’t practice when I was young, and have had to nut them out in order to be able to teach them on Monday. So much stuff that I knew was the right answer, but that I avoided till I actually had a paid job where I had to demonstrate and teach it.
Yes, there’s a lot to be said for the wisdom that comes with age.
When you’re young, you think the rules don’t apply and you want to blaze your own trail.
It’s only when you get older that you begin to realize you wasted a lot of time trying to re-invent the wheel.
I still wish that I could take the same relaxed mindset I have when I’m out on the range or noodling around in the man cave and apply it to when I’m doing the same thing in front of others. But at least now I’ve kind of come to grips with things as being what they are and it doesn’t bother me as much.
I find that it takes me about three or four songs before I’ve finally relaxed enough that my adrenaline levels drop enough to actually be able to play without fighting myself. When I was younger, it was even harder. I remember the first time I played to crowd of some number of hundreds of people. I was shaking the whole time. Sometimes now I even just go on stage and hit it, and feel good! But not always. Especially if I haven’t played for a while.
If I haven’t played for a while, the songs that get me are the really fast ones, and not because I can’t play them fast enough, but because I rush the fast drum fills that seem hard when you’re not comfortable with the pace, but that are actually not that hard to play when you’re head is feeling the pulse of the music correctly.
I know part of my problem with playing music with others is due to how little time I’ve spent actually doing it.
We did this open mic thing in front of Pipelines place last year to help him test out some new PA gear he bought and I spent most of the time with my back turned to the audience. There was only about 15 or 20 people there but it really messed me up. I got to the solo part of one song that I could play in my sleep and I totally blew it.
Well, regardless of the differences we may have here on other issues, we at least have in common that we are all actually musicians, and we understand the joys and insecurities that come with the territory. Be it dealing with audiences, or dealing with our own headspace. Or both at the same time.
I’ve always said the things we share in common far outweighs our differences.
I learned that at an early age because of all the traveling and moving around I did. All the different places I’ve lived and all the different people I’ve met and in the end, it was obvious to me that we all were pretty much the same.
Learning covers (really learning them, not quarter-assing them) is really good stuff for picking up all sorts of things. But it takes time and patience, and lots of people don’t have that. They just want to play anything. Nothing really wrong with either approach, but I don’t enjoy playing covers when the time hasn’t been put in to do it well. The only thing that kept me doing it when I did it way back when was all the drinking and other things going on. And I was by far the youngest of the bunch and just going along with what was already going on.